SHIPPING & HANDLING
Q. WHat is your SHIPPING POLICY?
A. SIMPLY put, setting up a "General Shipping Policy" within the abilities of my new website options that would please everyone has been ,well, impossible.
Too many variables exist from order to order, as far as price, weight, mass and destination, so THERE IS NO "one size fits all" shipping standard that would be fair to employ across the board. .. at least for ORders $75 and over- as well as all International Orders.
This, of course, is subject to change.
Q. SO what the Dickens does THAT mean? How in Haberdashery am I going to receive my new gear??
A. You won't. I'm going to skip off to Easter Island with your hard-earned blood-money, and turn it into a multi-functional cloning facility for Dead 19th Century Geniuses/slash/Rodent Sanctuary..living out the rest of my obviously fantastic days in rare-gem-encrusted opulence.....
...OR..(if you like:)..
The S&H Breakdown (as of 1/16/13, 7:47 pm E.S.T.) is as Follows:
Category #1: Orders totaling $0 - $59.99 = $7.00 s&h
Category #2: Orders totaling $60 - $74.99 = $13.00 s&h
Category #3: Orders $75 and Over / ALL Orders destined OUTSIDE the U.S: = † Please See Below ††
† For Those Whose Orders that fall into Category #3, I will send you a separate Paypal Invoice for the Total of Your S&H Costs, (once your Individual order's Postage, Packaging Costs and Insurance-where applicable- has been calculated)
†† PLEASE NOTE: No Orders will be dispatched Until Your Payment for Shipping Charges has been Received. Therefore, if you are re-reading these FAQ, wondering why you haven't received your Comic Book or whatever, Please Check the E-mail account (including your SPAM / Junk Folder) you provided with your order.
Q. Which parcel carrier do you use? A. Approximately 99.999% of the packages I ship, are sent Priority Flat Rate via the United States Postal Service. Therefore (barring some sort of Natural Disaster or popular Bank Holiday) U.S. orders usually take 2-3 business from date of Shipment, to be Delivered. International Orders will take a bit longer.
IF YOU WOULD PREFER ANOTHER METHOD OF SHIPPING (ie: Express mail, UPS or Fed-Ex) :
Simply include your SPECIFIC request with your PayPal transaction, under "Instructions for Merchant" and provided there are no obstacles that make said request difficult (For instance, I do NOT offer Personalized, Same-Day , International Unicorn-Back Delivery) I will be happy to do my best to accommodate your bidding.
Q. WHAT ABOUT SHIPPING INSURANCE? I Once ordered a Charles Hollander Chess Set online and it never arrived. KonradMacgregor.com didn't insure the bugger and my little sister died because with gasoline costs rising by the nano-second, we couldn't afford her Insulin anymore.
A. Relax. Tell Sis to help herself to another pixie stick, because the idea of something I spent a lot of time, money and effort creating getting LOST in the mail is probably just as upsetting to me as it is for you to watch your dear sibling slip into a diabetic coma... OKay, perhaps not THAT upsetting. But yeah, I'd be pissed. ANd YOU'd be pissed and EVERYBODY LOSES.
SO.. TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION: YES! INSURANCE IS AVAILABLE.
In fact, I REQUIRE and WILL AUTOMATICALLY ADD INSURANCE to ALL orders EQUAL TO or EXCEEDING $75.00.
If you would like me to Add Insurance to an Order that is UNDER $75.00 -:
Again, all you need do is: REQUEST SO during your Check-out with Paypal, under 'Instructions for Merchant".
Q. What happened to All the pretty Dresses you Used to sell? A. Long story and If I do not launch my website tonight, I'm probably going to slit my throat. Please be patient.
Q. Do you have any plans for a Menswear line? A. Please See Answer to Previous Question.
Q. If I wanted a Custom Laura Flook Suit, Coat or Dress, Would that even be possible? A. Anything is possible, but due to the time, preparation, materials and labor involved, it would be rather costly. Unfortunately, quality does have a price. I REALLY hate money. Please see Answer to First Question . THanks.
Q. I've got a jar of HUMAN Teeth, belonging to my Grandfather ( punched out of his mouth in the 40s, by a loanshark for Failing to Settle a gambling Debt).
What say YOU about a TRADE of Grandpa's teeth for a Set of Cufflinks and a Copy of your Comic Book? I'm certain these Choppers of CHance would FIT in BEAUTIFULLY with your collection of other human remains.
A. While you MAY be correct -and I DO very much appreciate the thought (Believe me, If the barter system was still widely accepted , I'd be a contented crustacean, - but sadly, It doesn't. And I believe my Landlord has a very strict policy about NOT allowing the Exchange of Dental Matter for Lodging. Same goes for other reputable merchants and utility providers, 'round these parts.
Q. Did I mention, 89% of Gramp's teeth are capped in bronze and were once used (while still attached to his jaw) to sever the forty-eight feet of Umbilical Cord anomaly connecting His Wife to My Father - which has been delicately preserved all these years, marinating in a hermetically sealed Goldfish bowl, filled with formaldehyde?
A. No. You didn't. However, it is STILL with Deepest regrets that I CANNOT accept such tempting a trade of lavish splendor.
Q. Do you have a Mailing List? I subscribed to your Newsletter from the last web-shop and never received an actual Newsletter. What the hell? A. I'm just as curious as you. I've been trying to figure everything out, but basically, I suck when it come to computers. This will be fixed. Please see BLOGshite for a more detailed explanation of why my website and business is still far from successful ass-kickery yet. Thanks again for your patience and hopefully, your understanding.